Showing posts with label Bush. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bush. Show all posts
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Top 20 Jon Stewart Jokes
20. The Christian Right
“They always throw around this term ‘the liberal elite.’ And I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right. What’s more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?”
19. On Bush
Jon Stewart: “Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for - the official halfway point of the Bush presidency.”
President Bush: “I George Walker Bush do solemnly swear…”
Stewart: “At which point 49 percent of the country also solemnly swore.”
18. On Bush (again)
“You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden.”
17. On journalism
“Capote, of course, addressed very similar themes to Good Night and Good Luck. Both films are about determined journalists defying obstacles in a relentless pursuit of the truth. Needless to say, both are period pieces.”
16. On the Republican party
“Oscar is 80 this year, which makes him now automatically the frontrunner for the Republican nomination.”
15. On John McCain’s medical records
“Senator John McCain, who spent over five years in a Vietnamese POW camp, publicly releases 1,000 pages of medical records. Now people are left with only one nagging question: what kind of a freak has 1,000
pages of medical records.”
14. On an historic election
“Democrats do have an historic race going. Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama. Normally, when you see a black man or a woman president an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty.”
13. On Bjork’s absence from the Oscars
“I do have some sad news to report. Bjork could not be here. She was trying on her Oscars dress and Dick Cheney shot her.”
12. On the Republican party
“This is inarguably a failure of leadership from the top of the federal government. Remember when Bill Clinton went out with Monica Lewinsky. That was unarguably a failure of judgment at the top. Democrats had to come out and risk losing credibility if they did not condemn Bill Clinton for his behaviour. I believe Republicans are in the same position right now. And I will say this: Hurricane Katrina is George Bush’s Monica Lewinsky. The only difference is that tens of thousands of people weren’t stranded in Monica Lewinsky’s vagina.”
11. On the US’ international standing
“Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.”
10. On Thanksgiving
“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
9. On the commercial breaks during the Oscars
“In case you’re wondering what we all do here during the commercial breaks, mostly we just sit around making catty remarks about the outfits you’re all wearing at home.”
8. On Canada
“I’ve been to Canada, and I’ve always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in two days.”
7. On Timothy McVeigh
“Timothy McVeigh’s lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.”
6. On Amazon
“Do you guys have to sell everything? I’d like to buy the Earth’s core.”
5. On rival presenters, 2004
With reference to Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala: “They said I wasn’t being funny. And I said to them, ‘I know that, but tomorrow I will go back to being funny, and your show will still blow’.”
4. On Liza Minnelli and David Gest, 2003
“I don’t know how it didn’t work out. How can a man who like other men and a woman who drinks not get along? The interesting thing is: there is no conceivable amount of money worth telling the world that you were beaten up by Liza Minnelli.”
3. On Arnie
“Critics noted Schwarzenegger’s only previous government experience was serving as chairman of the Council of Physical Fitness, where [his] only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was doing anyway.”
2. On Ronald Reagan’s funeral
“I guess the people I feel worst for are Carter and Ford. Because they have to be watching all this thinking, we’re not getting that.”
1. On Iraq
“We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There’s just one problem - it’s in North Korea.”
Original article here.
“They always throw around this term ‘the liberal elite.’ And I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right. What’s more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?”
19. On Bush
Jon Stewart: “Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for - the official halfway point of the Bush presidency.”
President Bush: “I George Walker Bush do solemnly swear…”
Stewart: “At which point 49 percent of the country also solemnly swore.”
18. On Bush (again)
“You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden.”
17. On journalism
“Capote, of course, addressed very similar themes to Good Night and Good Luck. Both films are about determined journalists defying obstacles in a relentless pursuit of the truth. Needless to say, both are period pieces.”
16. On the Republican party
“Oscar is 80 this year, which makes him now automatically the frontrunner for the Republican nomination.”
15. On John McCain’s medical records
“Senator John McCain, who spent over five years in a Vietnamese POW camp, publicly releases 1,000 pages of medical records. Now people are left with only one nagging question: what kind of a freak has 1,000
pages of medical records.”
14. On an historic election
“Democrats do have an historic race going. Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama. Normally, when you see a black man or a woman president an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty.”
13. On Bjork’s absence from the Oscars
“I do have some sad news to report. Bjork could not be here. She was trying on her Oscars dress and Dick Cheney shot her.”
12. On the Republican party
“This is inarguably a failure of leadership from the top of the federal government. Remember when Bill Clinton went out with Monica Lewinsky. That was unarguably a failure of judgment at the top. Democrats had to come out and risk losing credibility if they did not condemn Bill Clinton for his behaviour. I believe Republicans are in the same position right now. And I will say this: Hurricane Katrina is George Bush’s Monica Lewinsky. The only difference is that tens of thousands of people weren’t stranded in Monica Lewinsky’s vagina.”
11. On the US’ international standing
“Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.”
10. On Thanksgiving
“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
9. On the commercial breaks during the Oscars
“In case you’re wondering what we all do here during the commercial breaks, mostly we just sit around making catty remarks about the outfits you’re all wearing at home.”
8. On Canada
“I’ve been to Canada, and I’ve always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in two days.”
7. On Timothy McVeigh
“Timothy McVeigh’s lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.”
6. On Amazon
“Do you guys have to sell everything? I’d like to buy the Earth’s core.”
5. On rival presenters, 2004
With reference to Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala: “They said I wasn’t being funny. And I said to them, ‘I know that, but tomorrow I will go back to being funny, and your show will still blow’.”
4. On Liza Minnelli and David Gest, 2003
“I don’t know how it didn’t work out. How can a man who like other men and a woman who drinks not get along? The interesting thing is: there is no conceivable amount of money worth telling the world that you were beaten up by Liza Minnelli.”
3. On Arnie
“Critics noted Schwarzenegger’s only previous government experience was serving as chairman of the Council of Physical Fitness, where [his] only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was doing anyway.”
2. On Ronald Reagan’s funeral
“I guess the people I feel worst for are Carter and Ford. Because they have to be watching all this thinking, we’re not getting that.”
1. On Iraq
“We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There’s just one problem - it’s in North Korea.”
Original article here.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Bush is not popular at the G20
This is really sad. One that our country is so disrespected, and second that we have someone in charge who is incapable or unwilling to do anything about it.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
President Bush visits some newly disabled veterans
President Bush looks at the artificial leg of Army PFC Nicholas Clark during a visit to the Center for the Intrepid at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio, Texas, November 8, 2007. This is the caption for the first picture. I have no words to describe this other than I simply recommend you look at this and think for a minute about what you see. Remember your veterans. Nothing comes without a cost. Link to Reuters Gallery.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Matthews Blasts the Bush Administration
Can't wait to see this on the Daily Show. After a very entertaining interview about Matthews book the other night, this should be hilarious.
"The Clinton camp, he said, never put pressure on his bosses to silence him.
“Not so this crowd,” he added, explaining that Bush White House officials -- especially those from Vice President Cheney's office -- called MSNBC brass to complain about the content of his show and attempted to influence its editorial content. "They will not silence me!" Matthews declared."
Read the whole article here.
"The Clinton camp, he said, never put pressure on his bosses to silence him.
“Not so this crowd,” he added, explaining that Bush White House officials -- especially those from Vice President Cheney's office -- called MSNBC brass to complain about the content of his show and attempted to influence its editorial content. "They will not silence me!" Matthews declared."
Read the whole article here.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Well I guess we are FUCKED!
This is absolutely scary. I know the president can't know everything, and I don't expect him too. But, come on he's actually joking about this like it's no big deal, business as usual. If you don't know, the folks at Blackwater are being investigated for killing unarmed civilians. Please George, show SOME class.
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